Long time no chat.

Well first off don't worry this is not going to be along sad post. I would just like to say a few thing. I have decided to make my life better. I was laying in bed last night listening to Rupaul of course :). It was his champion song it is a great song. It made me start thinking that I am better then this. I shouldn't need to sit around a mope over things. I need to get back in the game. So my goals,

1. Let go of the past and let go of the people that I have lost in the past.

2.Get healthy I am quite over weight and unhealthy and I do plan on changing that the right way this time no special risky diet.

3.focus on me and what I want in life. I want to finish school I want to go to college I want to buy a house and have a baby. I want a baby so bad and recently I did have a miscarraige and that was so hard. I can no explain how hard that was for me and I don't think I have fully recovered. So that is where my get healthy goal comes in. This time I am doing it for me and what I want. I am going to get down to a healthy weight to have a healthy pregnancy.

4. I am done holding grudges it's not worth it. If we have had or problems let me be the first to say that I am truely sorry. If we have no future together just know that I don't hate you.

I am happy with all of my choices and it was all from that one song that is now my favorite song I hope that all of you that read this will listen to it. :)

I love you all and promise to keep you updated with how my life is going.

http://youtu.be/xbhf7_jofDw This is the link to the champion song. Weather you hate or love the guy singing. I hope that you all listen to it.

Photography school stuff finally came

Yay it feels like I have been waiting for ever for this. :) I got it today and I have been reading the first 4 books like crazy I am already learning so much I am so excited I can not wait to learn a ton of other cool things. ;) And the best part is is my business is already starting to pick up thanks to my free model shots that I have been doing I am getting busier then ever. I am loving every min of this and couldn't ask for better. Keep you guys all updated soon. Love ya.

Sisters

It's always great to have that one really close person in your family that you can talk to and just cry out all your problems with. Well for most of you its your spouses but for me it's my sister. In my last post when I said I couldn't count on my family I guess some of you might have tooken it wrong. Cause if I can count on any of my family it's my immidiate family. :) I feel a ton better cause I was able to talk to my sister tonight and she actually listens instead of turning it around and making it about her. I may have been told from here to there that I only think about myself and it's not true no matter what you here from people. And to think that people actually think that way well it hurts not going to lie. Right now I guess but I am doing best for me and not just what I should be told to do. Anyway ya So thanks mandy for letting me vent out whining problems. Love ya.

DEPRESSION

I thought I got out of this stage when I met my husband. I guess I was wrong don't get me wrong I love him to death and always will he is my life and the only one that keeps me inspired to do what I love to do. Lately though I have just been in this deep depression and I have been hiding it for quite some time now. I feel like it is time to get this off my chest cause honestly I can't hold it in any more with all the stuff that is happening. It is getting to the point where I stay up later then my husband just so I can cry without him knowing. Cause to me crying shows weakness. I just want all of you to know that recently one of my family members who I thought I was finally getting close with blocked me cause she thinks I was coping her photography. Which is not true. I took one photo that was simallar that I didn't even like that much and ended up deleting it. And signed up for the same school cause I really want to do this with my life so much and it was the cheapest one. Also when I started doing photography she said that she was giving it up. Not only tell i started did she started again. Well anyway long rant about that she has nothign to do with my life anymore and I could care less honestly she has nothing to do with my recent depression. I don't need cousins anyway not like I ever really had a real cousin to begin with. But anyway have you ever just been to the point where you don't feel good enough for anybody and I know this may hurt most of your feelings if you are close to me. I don't feel like I mean crap to any of you including my family. Weather you really feel that way or not it's how I feel. I don't really know how to handle this any more. I am not about to handle the way I handled it when I was younger and depressed so don't worry. This is something that I will handle on my own I just would really like to feel like I matter to more of you then just my husband and my best friend. They are really the only ones I feel like I can count on of feel like I can count on. I mean at my wedding I had maybe 10 people show up at the reception and that really stung by my friends and family. I have always felt last in my family and to this day I still do. I am 21 married going to school and have a full time job and I still feel like I am treated like the a stupid girl that I will always be marked as. :( and yes this does hurt alot. I really hope all you guys read all this cause I really need to get it off my chest. :( and I hope to feel a little better when this is all out in the open. I know that most of you will not make it even to this point if any of you will read it all or even click on this post which 90% percent of you never do. But if you did make it this far I thank you and ask you not to say pitty things in the comment section I really just wanted to get it off my chest cause I am tired of acting happy. So thanks for listening.

Yay!!! Great news

So today is totally going to be a great a day! :) I am finally able to say and excited to annouce that after almost 2 years of just taking classes in provo for photography I am now enrolled in an actual photography school. I am so excited I can't even stand it. I am trying to get to where I can be good enough that my pictures will wow people in. My dream is to one day shoot landscape photos for a nature magazine. That might take a little bit But I am young and I have plenty of time to get there. As long as I don't give up on my dream it will be possible you are who ever you choose to be right. :) So yep this is my great news of the day. :) Love ya all tons and hope your as happy for me as I am. :) LOL

Duchesne!!!

k So we all know that I don't update this alot. I am sorry lol. But for now here is my wonderful short road trip to Duchesne. I was awesome the day was just perfect for pictures. I had some yummy food in Midway that was awesome. But here are some pictures I took of the day cause lets be honest. Who gets on a blog to read right. People want pictures!! LOL

So it was a pretty fun day all in all. :) Please comment cause I love reading them.

Picture Time

This was a pretty fun day. I have been meaning to update the pictures of me and Curt, just because I can!! Also because the last pictures of me and him I have actually taken by me are just so last year. LOL. This man is one of the hardest people to take pictures of he kept changing positions and trying to attack my face in every picture. All well I think the pictures are awesome so I am going to show of my skills. :)

This is one of the pictures that was the hardest. He kept trying to attack me in this one I was lucky I put my camera on Con shooting. LOL

So ya here are my updated pictures of us!! So enjoy!!!!!! :)